Early on in my work career, I remember easily over-working myself and going through bouts of burnout. Within the last eight months at one of my jobs, I took off like 3 (non-consecutive) days off. I didn’t understand; well, and at the time didn’t have a lot of the resources that I needed in order to create balance in my life. Yet, over time, learning how to say, “no,” began working wonders for my life; releasing things that are out of my control became imperative to my mental stability; and, reprioritizing how I chose to invest my time, energy and money allowed me create a more fulfilling life experience.
My commitment to the aforementioned teachings gave me the courage to take more leaps of faith towards the things that felt good to my soul, and let go of the things that interfered with the joy and sense of well-being I decided to nurture. The actions that I decided to start taking in my life allowed me to manifest new beginnings and ways of being.
Sometimes, it may appear as if I take spontaneous trips, but I really spend months at a time planning. For example, it took me about six months to plan and save up for my solo vacation to Puerto Rico. Leading up to my most recent getaway, I started thinking about a trip back in February. I’m still a bit guilty of working a lot, whether it’s my 9-5 or my business, so I have to be intentional about when I step away from work.
A) Finding the time
I usually have a strong, general sense of what my schedule looks like months in advance, and I do try to use as little of my vacation days as possible because, with all of my work, I still only get paid when I’m actually laboring away at something. So, a lot of my travel has been during holidays – if I have a three-day weekend coming up, I might take off an extra day as a buffer/travel day though. For me, a 4-day trip/break every couple of months is enough to keep me steadily going. Since I can foresee when I can step away, I let people know as soon as possible so we can plan and manage the time leading up to it. For instance, about 6 weeks ago I was letting my coworkers know, “This and this date, I’m most likely going to be gone…” I didn’t know to where or anything, but I just decided that that was when I would take a purposeful rest; so, we needed to plan and work around me being M.I.A on those days. The time is always there, it just depends on how I choose to use it.
Of course, it is a dream of mine to travel the world and go on all these adventures, but I do have a travel budget limit, so sometimes, even if I can do “more,” I think it’s important for me to continue to practice discipline throughout various aspects of my life. I could do longer trips sometimes or spend more money, but that doesn’t mean I have to do it.
B) Deciding to go
My first travel planning stop is usually Google Flights just so I can get an idea of where in the world I’ll feasibly be able to go. Initially, for this break I was looking to go to Savannah, Georgia and had done all the research and putting an itinerary together for myself; yet, as the weeks passed, I was just tired. The thought of flying and walking around and a lot of thinking for extra safety precautions when traveling alone and yatta yatta yatta, I was like, “nah.” I was maintaining enough to where I had energy and was grounded throughout the day, but energetically and emotionally, my body was exhausted – I could feel it begging for me to just chill and disconnect. I wanted to put in as little effort as possible because I was just tired. Sometimes I feel like I’m holding a lot together; yeah, that’s life, but I also do it pretty much completely on my own – which is also fine – so to get to the point where I allow myself to put it all down, without guilt, and really put myself first is a big accomplishment for me. No one else is going to give you permission to do what you need to do for you.
No one is obligated to make sure you’re okay. More often than not, people (especially, oddly enough, men) give me that pat on the back comment, “Wow, you’re so strong and resilient, keep it up,” and I mean, sheesh – I know I may carry it with grace and consistency, hahah, but I’m still carrying everything. Life has taught me some pretty interestingly important lessons on independence/co-dependency and love. I used to give, give, give my love out more than I’d pour back in – in the hopes it would be reciprocated, of course – but an unrequited dynamic is disrespectful to myself. Now, I won’t over-pour (in any relationship, not even a work one), and I make sure my cup is consistently replenished. Also, I don’t feel the need to “wait” for people in order for me to move forward and have wonderful, new experiences. I offer to share with others, but you can’t force someone to be ready to come along; sometimes I just have to go and do things for me, and still enjoy it fully in all of my glorious aloneness. I’m kind of the “I don’t know about you, but I’m still going to go, though” type person.
Well, at this point, Savannah was definitely not an option, most importantly because of the amount of mental energy I’d have to put into the trip and that exertion wasn’t what was necessary for my restoration at the time. I decided I didn’t want to travel more than a few hours, and I wanted to pamper myself, which made the focus of this trip a spa getaway.
C) Don’t aimlessly wander
I know my grandma is always happy for me when I travel, but I know I also make her worried. “I come from a different time,” she always reminds me before I venture out… anywhere, really. Her concern comes from a place of experience and protection, but I definitely do my research before I go on any of my trips. Once I decided which day spa I wanted to go, I spent another few weeks watching prices, finding deals, reading about the area – history and all, reading news and travel blogs. I can’t be naïve that I’m a solo, Black, female in unfamiliar areas – I don’t “expect” danger, but I can’t act like it doesn’t exist in the world. It’s interesting because I’ve met a lot of people recently, and when safety comes up, asking if I carry mace or know self-defense and it’s really dawned on me that I’m out here naked and vulnerable a lot of the time. Rightfully so, when I told my grandma where I was going this time, her concern was, “Make sure you can go there.” The location was an upscale bed and breakfast in a small, predominantly white town (86% white to be a little more accurate) in the middle of nowhere – a type of environment I have experienced some issues with before, because of my identity. I’m not saying I don’t wander or go with the flow on trips, but I do like to have some kind of clarity and direction when I’m on the move.
So, let’s get into my overnight getaway adventure…